What can I do now?

Above is a question I am trying to answer everyday. It is clear that bitching and moaning is not going to fix and dang thing. I cannot fix the economy, I cannot make my mom better, I cannot get my stolen shit back and many other things. I am attempting to force myself to ask what can I do with what I have. Yes I apply for jobs everyday... ok that is done. So I know I can work on my typing skills. Typing will be a big part of my job when I get it and I beef on typing tests all the time because I am so used to my best friend word that fix's it for me or gives me a nice red line and then I right click and it is fixed. so I have been spending an hour every day doing typing tests and what no. I am also pondering the idea of training and running a marathon. I hate running but I would like to get in shape and I have been feeling the need for some accomplishment. By no means am I committed to doing this yet but I am just in the thinking stage, I am sure I will make it to the research stage in a few days. Picking one to run and finding out how one trains for a marathon. When research is done, I will get myself a pair of running shoes and one hell of a sports bra.

Back to school?

So I do not see the economy getting any better. I am thinking I may soon have to give up on the idea of finding a legal job anytime soon and find a job any job, even if I hate it to get the bills paid. If I go back to school at the same time I may be able to stand crap said job because I will have the mental stimulus that I so crave. I just feel bad if I go back and give up because it makes me feel like I gave up and I know Justin wants to go to school as well. I kind of feel bad going for my B.A when he has not had a chance to attend at all. Stupid money! If I had it life would be so much easier. Ok, life time to turn around send me a sign of what to do and a big kick in the ass to get it done.

Shutting down

I am fighting it, but I feel myself slowly shutting down. Whenever get a great motivation in me to kick ass and change my life and make it better one more shitty thing happens. I feel like this whole world is going to shit and everyone I know is going though all kinds of stuff as well. I am not one to to the poor me thing in general but at this point in time I almost could. I just wish things would get better for everyone. Normally it is a March case, in my life I have noticed March is never good and others feel the same but April is almost over and things still suck. I have never been one to give up at stop giving a shit all together... I take few days off do whatever I have to do at the time to deal... my down times are getting longer and loner and I fell the need more and more often just to go to my shitty job apply for here and there then go home and sit on my sofa do whatever and repeat. When things get this this I have always had Justin to pick me up but life has not been fun for him as well, so I try my best to make things better for him when I am home.... it is just what I do. I got my check card back today, so that is good, too bad I only have $30 bucks in my account and my next check all goes to rent.... I get paid the next time on the ninth and that asshole took the money I had set aside for my car tabs so here's to hoping I make some money in tips this wee because I work 12-11 today and tomorrow, 12-5 Friday and 12-11 on Sat. All that time to sit in a box, hit ignore on the 17 or so collection calls I get a day and watch for my stolen shit on ebay and craigslist. But my mother says I have lots of sand in my Bo Bo but I fell like it has one awful leak and needs some filling these days. ( Pic on top is of a bo bo, the child hood toy that has sand in the bottom that you hit and it bounces back up)

Fun was had but I got jacked hardcore

So Last night a lot of fun was had a the Margarita party but it ended badly with my camera, brand new phone, my cash and my smokes being stolen. Angie's phone was stolen as well. We are sure we knew who did it and all we want it our stuff back. We filed a police report and the cop was a lot more helpful that I expected him to be. But I have great friends, family and a man I love to death so life could be a lot worse but it has been on a very high level of suck for LaNae world lately. Ok, too hung over to vent much more, ah aging is not fun.

I feel Summer comming on!

Tonight is my good friend Panda's annual margarita party! I am looking forward to it. Last year was an odd one! Justin and were in the biggest issues we ever had and we almost broke up. I was there he was out we were both drinking still not sure who called how but I managed to find a ride home from the party in Coon Rapids and came home and we made up. This year he will be with me like every year prior. I am bringing my friend Matt as well. My sister is having a bon fire tonight as well I would go if I was not attending the above mentioned rendezvous. It has been a bad week, grand ma in in the hospital and I do not think I she had much time left. I went to see her on Monday. She was at the Hospital that I lived in for two weeks while watching my father die. I had not been there since two days after he died to drop of a thank you card for the nurses. They were so kind to my sister and I while we lived there those two weeks. When we dropped off the card I freaked out and went into panic attack. But I just knew I had to go see grandma. I pulled into the parking lot and my body decided it no longer wanted to hold on the the breakfast sandwich. But I made it up and we had a nice visit. More crappy stuff happened this week but we will save that for another time.
Good things! I have a new phone! It is fancy black berry. The phone is smarter than I am but I am ok with that I guess and my friend Matt added me to his employee plan so I now have unlimited everything and I only play ten bucks a month. I heart my friends. Now it is time to sit though work and go home clean the house a bit and kick of Summer!

Phallic or alcoholic?

I like to drink most times and most people know this about me. That country song alcohol is very true. Does this pic say I need to get me some or I have a deep love for beer. I drink a lot but I can also go a long time without drinking. Most people know that my father passed away when I was 21 years old because he was a severe alcoholic among other things. My biggest fear is turning into him. I do not see this happening but the fear is still there. It takes me a lot to get drunk and it is very hard for me to have only a few. I have have one just fine no issue but as soon as I feel a buzz I want to get hammered and then it is balls to the walls. I am sure I am fine. I know I have an addictive personalty but I got myself of myth many many years ago so I think if I ever felt I had a problem my wonderful friends would help me see it even thought my friends really like to get drunk with me. I guess I am a lot of fun when I am drunk. Ok, done with rant now. Have a great day all.

To lose a child

I did not mean this to be a follow up on my prior blog but I have a very heavy heart today. My friend Janane lost her daughter at seven years old to cancer. This happened eight years ago. Now last night her sister had the live the same nightmare. Her two year old son Tyler was diagnosed with brain cancer over a year a ago and he left this world last night at nine p.m. I cannot picture to go though that at all then and to watch your sister fell the same pain and to re live it your self. I have a friend from bowling that lost her daughter at six months. Now she is pregnant again and this child is do on the day that she delivered her daughter dead. I am not a mother but I cannot picture to lose a child, that has to be the worst pain in the world. I am so proud of the strength of the women I have in my life that have survived this pain and continue to live on and do the best they can. Tyler I hope that you and Madalyn are haiving a great time playing and may you have no more pain.